I am here to address a rare but harmful illness. It is called, Bitch Dependency. According to A Pimp Named Slick Back, star of the hit TV show The Boondocks: "Bitch dependency is no laughing matter. Addiction to a bitch can fuck with your friends, your health, and scarey enough, even your money." Some may call this Pussy on a Pedestal. Whichever way you put it, it is frightening.
Women are taking over most parts of the world. They're also taking hold of your penis. You may not see the symptoms of this disease. It is a silent killer. Some symptoms may include: washing dishes, making your bed (useless); basically any feminine duties. These type of activities can eat at your manhood slowly. You simply cannot depend on her. If you depend on her to eat, iron your clothes, or deposit money into your bank accuount, you're obviously letting her do everything. Then when she leaves you, you'll be upset because you're not accustomed to taking on these tasks and most likely learn how to do them the hard way. When you express your emotions to a woman, you're giving her ammo of shit she can take advantage of.
There are ways to prevent Bitch Dependency. You must take control of your woman. If she gets out of line, you must put her in her place. Say what you gotta say and say with your chest. Do not cry for the bitch for there is a bitch not far away. Do not show weakness in front of her. Do not be afraid of the female species. She may threaten you with sex. You simply tell her: "Don't even try that shit. You're not the only one with a pussy in the world!" If talking doesn't work, you must use physical force. I dont condone violence, so google A Pimp Named Slick Back.
Man the fuck up or your girl will be taken by Usher. A Pimp Named Slick Back advices any man suffering from this disease, shall not be afraid to use your back hand (you must bend you thumb into your hand for extra force). If you cannot go through with this, dont worry. "Some niggas can't cross bridges. Some niggas can't smack a bitches."
I hope this helps. Good Luck!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Valentine's Day Loner
Valentine's Day is the day love is celebrated. Since a young age, when this time comes around children make heart-shaped Valentine's Day cards and give one to each student and they get to eat as many heart-shaped candy and chocolates as they want. My personal favorites are the mints with the messages on the them (ex: Will you be mine?). I read 'em, then I eat 'em. It's also a time when you get calls from ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or a secret crush. It's a weird time. Not everyone's hor Anyway, as we grow older, the meaning of this day changes. Some people, simply don't give a shit or some go all out with the candy, dozen roses and vacations. My focus is on the ones that will be alone. There are reasons for these people to not have anyone to be with this Valentine's day weekend. Below are reasons why you may be alone this weekend (and possibly won't get laid):
YOU'RE CHEAP: You simply don't want to spend on gifts or a date even though you have the money. You also might think that doing all of it is worth it and won't guarantee any action. it's sad but there are people who do think like this. There are people who won't talk to a person they are attracted to to avoid being asked to be someone's Valentine.
IT'S A RECESSION: This affects a lot of people. There just isn't enough money in the bank to do anything. Let's face it, times are rough. Money has to be stashed for bigger than or just to get by. This is where you must get creative or you're doomed. Even if you do get a card or ONE rose, it's the thought that counts. You can always go back to construction paper and markers and make that special heart-shaped V-Day :-D.
JUST HAD A BAD BREAK UP: This is a serious one. You're probably used to having a Valentine but that Valentine broke your heart. It sucks and it's something to adapt to while you think everyone else is with their boo and you are home eating Haagan Daz ice cream watching "The Notebook." You're not alone. Others are going through the same thing. Keep yourself occupied and you'll be okay!
"IT'S OVER RATED": These are the people that don't really know what love is. They don't believe in the almighty L-O-V-E. However, they can also be CHEAP and use this as a cop. Who knows? You have to be loved to show love. So people please show these non-lovers some love. They need it the most.
CLUB GOER/PARTYER: Ah the party people that rather party than be in a relationship. These are the people that die alone. They turn out to be that lonely aunt and uncle with the very dark apartment and a possible STD (LOL). Funny thing is most of these people wonder why they are alone and drink they're emotions away. If you look in the mirror right before you go out, talk a good look at yourself and you'll see why.
NBA ALL-STAR WEEKEND: This is for basketball/sports fiends. Somehow All-Star Weekend is always on the weekend of or after Valentine's Day. A lot of dudes must suffer for this. They are soldier. They are in the frontlines taking one for the team. If you have a Valentine for this weekend, tough break, there's always the DVR.
Which category do you fall on? Email me @ mikeluvin@gmail.com and let me know of any comments. There may not be any cures to for this (masturbation will only make it worse).
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!
YOU'RE CHEAP: You simply don't want to spend on gifts or a date even though you have the money. You also might think that doing all of it is worth it and won't guarantee any action. it's sad but there are people who do think like this. There are people who won't talk to a person they are attracted to to avoid being asked to be someone's Valentine.
IT'S A RECESSION: This affects a lot of people. There just isn't enough money in the bank to do anything. Let's face it, times are rough. Money has to be stashed for bigger than or just to get by. This is where you must get creative or you're doomed. Even if you do get a card or ONE rose, it's the thought that counts. You can always go back to construction paper and markers and make that special heart-shaped V-Day :-D.
JUST HAD A BAD BREAK UP: This is a serious one. You're probably used to having a Valentine but that Valentine broke your heart. It sucks and it's something to adapt to while you think everyone else is with their boo and you are home eating Haagan Daz ice cream watching "The Notebook." You're not alone. Others are going through the same thing. Keep yourself occupied and you'll be okay!
"IT'S OVER RATED": These are the people that don't really know what love is. They don't believe in the almighty L-O-V-E. However, they can also be CHEAP and use this as a cop. Who knows? You have to be loved to show love. So people please show these non-lovers some love. They need it the most.
CLUB GOER/PARTYER: Ah the party people that rather party than be in a relationship. These are the people that die alone. They turn out to be that lonely aunt and uncle with the very dark apartment and a possible STD (LOL). Funny thing is most of these people wonder why they are alone and drink they're emotions away. If you look in the mirror right before you go out, talk a good look at yourself and you'll see why.
NBA ALL-STAR WEEKEND: This is for basketball/sports fiends. Somehow All-Star Weekend is always on the weekend of or after Valentine's Day. A lot of dudes must suffer for this. They are soldier. They are in the frontlines taking one for the team. If you have a Valentine for this weekend, tough break, there's always the DVR.
Which category do you fall on? Email me @ mikeluvin@gmail.com and let me know of any comments. There may not be any cures to for this (masturbation will only make it worse).
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!
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